When is it too much?

Dear Doris,

I am the primary caregiver for my brother, who faces the challenges of a chronic condition. I strive to provide all the support I can, yet there are moments when I feel overwhelmed. How can one discern the right time to reach out for assistance and embrace support from others?

Thank you for your time!

Marcia G.

Dear Marcia, 

Caregiving in long term chronic situations calls for the tortoise, not the hare approach.  There is no sprinting your way through late in the journey, rather the steady pace of the tortoise is the best approach.  It is never too early to start taking care of yourself, and by that, I mean, asking for help.  Additionally, the time to seek support is before you are overwhelmed.  I have always believed that planning ahead for self-care will always net you more choices than if you are trying to get what you need while in crisis. 

Here at the Coalition, we talk a lot about respite. It truly is a planned and intentional time to tend to your needs over the needs of the person(s) you are caring for. Getting breaks from your responsibilities can do many things; it gives you time to focus on your own healthcare and emotional needs, so often caregivers neglect their own health over the health of others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you run the risk of someone having to take care of you rather than the other way around. 

Respite comes in many shapes and sizes. It can be found in family and friends as those around you often want to help but are unsure of what you need.  Speak up and share what you are going through and tell them specific ways in which you might find relief. 

Organizations that provide temporary care in your absence, day programs that serve individuals with disabling conditions, and nonprofits in your area have a wealth of knowledge about the resources that are available in your community. Don’t hesitate to reach out to organizations that specifically address the chronic condition of your brother. Once you identify a service, it can take time to complete enrollment requirements, so the sooner you start, the better. Here in New York State, NY Connects provides information and assistance to individuals and their families to help them make better decisions regarding long-term care needs, including respite. They can be reached at 1-800-342-9871 or nyconnects.gov 

Before you do that, close your eyes and take three long deep breaths. You’ve got this! 

Doris