Caring for Mom
Dear Doris,
I’m caring for my mom while working full time; as she’s aging, she’s falling more often. I’m worried sick. Is there anything I can do? Can I become her full-time caregiver? I’m not sure what to do, as I’m getting older too. I’m pretty much all over the place.
Caring and concerned,
Debra R.
Dear Debra,
Juggling work and caregiving, as Liz O’Donnel says, often “creeps up” on us. “Balancing eldercare and career is not an easy feat; eldercare is intense and unpredictable. And unlike with parenting, few women plan to take on the responsibilities of caring for an older adult. When they do, it can be difficult to show up for work the way they are used to. As a result, most working daughters find they need to make some adjustments to how they work, live and care.”
Liz wrote “Working Daughter, A Guide to Caring for your Aging Parents While Making a Living” and was a keynote speaker at a previous NYSCRC statewide conference.
One of the easiest ways to not feel alone is to join online support groups. For working caregivers, one supportive group is https://www.facebook.com/groups/workingdaughter/
As a former caregiver for my mother, I can tell you that there were many, many days where just reading other people’s posts of challenges and perspective helped me get through. There is a robust amount of information and resources in the “Caregivers in the Workplace Guide”.
You mentioned you are worried sick. Getting sick or avoiding our own care is such a common experience for family caregivers. Know that you are not alone and find your supports. Plan for the future. Be in control of the inevitable changes you will experience.
You asked about getting paid to be her caregiver.
Explore Medicaid and learn if she is eligible. If you do not live with her, you may be eligible to be paid. Contact your local Office for the Aging for assistance.
In New York State, some employees have access to Paid Family Leave. I used this program to step back from work periodically. More importantly though, I used that time to arrange plans for the future: prepare for Medicaid, learn about community supports and services I could tap into, estate planning, and more. Knowing you have a plan in place can reduce your stress levels! Visit PaidFamilyLeave.ny.gov for more information.
Find respite for yourself if you do not have it yet. Respite is simply a break from caregiving. NYSCRC offers a caregiver directed voucher where you can hire whomever you like, set the fee (up to $600 total) and the schedule (find a neighbor or friend), and take some time away when you are not away working. There are many other resources available as well and they can be found at https://www.nyscrc.org/from-the-nys-office-for-the-aging.
And finally, you said you were getting older too. So, take some time to plan for yourself. Get a health care proxy and Power of Attorney, keep up with your own medical appointments, and do activities that lift your spirit!
You are not alone on this journey. There are more than 4 million caregivers in New York State who are providing $39 billion (economic value) in care to a relative, friend, or neighbor.
Best wishes,
Doris