Caring from a distance

Dear Doris,

I live about two hours from my parents and was fortunate enough to spend the holidays with them. I noticed that my dad is having some cognitive and mobility issues and my mom is struggling to care for him. The physical assistance, managing doctor's appointments and medications, and day-to-day household chores are just too much for her.

 Are there services available to help alleviate some of the pressure and if so, how can I arrange for these from afar?

 Thank you for your help!

 David P.

 Hi David, 

Thanks for your timely question!

Around the holidays we see many long-distance caregivers noticing changes in their loved one’s abilities to care for both themselves and others. Caregiving in general has many challenges, but when there is distance between you and those who need care, it becomes even more difficult to connect with and monitor the situation. We also know that those who need assistance often resist it, and caregivers who need help often don’t identify themselves as caregivers, so they won’t ask for help.

There are always local services available through County Offices for Aging and the NY Connects system, which is a statewide information and referral source. These services are more often than not, free. But, it generally takes some effort and oversight to engage these resources and they often have age and disability restrictions; admittedly it is not an easy system to navigate.

However, if a family has the resources we would suggest using a local Geriatric Care Manager. Aging Life Care Professionals primarily work with older adults and have an expertise in geriatrics. They bring knowledge of aging issues to help dispel myths and focus on the problems at hand. They bring experience of working with resources in your community and are aware of real-life problems, health and otherwise, that emerge as persons age. They know the tools that are available and are connected to a community of social workers, nurses, psychologists, elder law attorneys, advocates, and other professionals. It’s an opportunity to have your own personal guide through the aging services maze. The Aging Life Professional Association website is a comprehensive resource you can check out.

Aging Life Professional Association website

I will share that I used a Geriatric Care Manager when I needed to understand how to get my mom on Medicaid and into the programs that would benefit her most, so that I could continue to work full time.  I was able to keep her home until the end of her life because I was guided and supported in this manner.

There are many faith communities that provide volunteer-based programs and local human services agencies that provide respite services. New York is a big state, so we generally refer people to the NY Connects website, a searchable database of services by county. 

I wish you all the best on your caregiving journey, and I thank you for reaching out to us, as you never know who else will benefit from you taking the initiative to ask the question.

Best!

Doris